I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
