Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
