i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
