your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
