Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
sarcasm needs its own font
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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