Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
