The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
