Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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