Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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