I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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