I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
