yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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