Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My pussy is not your playground.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
