You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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