Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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