I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
