Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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