If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
