I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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