what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
