OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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