I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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