we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
