she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
