...so i touched it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
