I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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