If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
