Me too!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
