You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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