Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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