he thought i was a dude.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
