The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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