who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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