honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
