Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
