Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
