is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
