last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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