i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
