Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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