I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
