Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
