Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
