my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
