I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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