So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
