I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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