sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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