I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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