He disabled his match.com account in front of me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
