he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
