I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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