she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
