I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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