you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
