sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
