Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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