I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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