I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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