you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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