so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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