There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
