There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
