Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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