i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
