I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
