so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
