there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
