I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
