oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
