i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
