Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
