You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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