The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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