Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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