You smell like stripper and shame
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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