Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
