Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
