and you said cock pushups were impossible
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
