If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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